Girls and Women with ADHD: Signs Parents Often Miss

If you picture ADHD, what comes to mind? For many, it’s a boy bouncing around the classroom, unable to sit still, interrupting his teacher, and constantly losing things. But what about the girl sitting quietly at her desk, staring out of the window, or scribbling in her notebook while trying not to cry after being called “too sensitive”?

For decades, ADHD was defined through the behaviour of boys. Most diagnostic criteria, research studies, and even teacher training reflected that lens. As a result, thousands of girls slipped through the cracks. They weren’t disruptive, so they weren’t noticed. Their struggles were labelled as shyness, laziness, day dreaming, or simply “being emotional.”

Today we know better, ADHD often looks very different in females but the old myths still linger.

Why Girls Go Unnoticed

One of the main reasons ADHD is overlooked in girls is that their symptoms are often less visible. While boys tend to express hyperactivity outwardly, many girls internalise it. They may not be climbing on furniture, but inside their minds race with restless thoughts. Instead of interrupting the teacher, they may daydream, lose track of conversations, or appear scattered and forgetful.

Girls also become masters of masking. They learn to smile, work harder, and cover up mistakes to avoid criticism. Some throw themselves into perfectionism, believing that if they are organised, compliant, and “good,” no one will see how hard they’re working just to keep up. On the surface, they might look like model students or reliable employees. Underneath, they are often exhausted and full of self-doubt.

The Signs Parents and Women Often Miss

For many girls, ADHD shows up less as loud behaviour and more as a quiet but persistent battle. They may drift off during lessons, forget instructions, or lose things constantly. They might feel emotions more intensely than their peers, crying easily or experiencing deep shame after a small mistake.

Social life can also be tricky. Some struggle to maintain friendships, not because they don’t care, but because impulsivity leads to talking over friends or forgetting important details.

Others feel like outsiders, sensing they are “different” but unable to explain why. Read more here on Social Anxiety in Children.

As they grow older, hidden hyperactivity often takes the form of racing thoughts, talking quickly, or an inner restlessness that never quite quiets down.

Academically, some girls are described as “not living up to their potential” bright, but inconsistent. Others may be at the top of the class, thriving on natural intelligence and perfectionism, until they reach high school or university. At that stage, the cracks in their coping strategies become harder to hide, and the effort required to keep up can feel overwhelming, and may lead to burnout.

In adulthood, the same patterns play out in different arenas: missed deadlines at work, burnout from overcompensating, poor sleep from a brain set to worry instead of relax and constant self-criticism.

The Emotional Toll

When ADHD goes unrecognised, girls and women often turn their frustration inward. Instead of being told they have a neurodevelopmental condition, they hear messages like “try harder” or “stop being so dramatic.” Over time, these experiences chip away at self-esteem.

It’s no surprise, then, that women with ADHD are more vulnerable to anxiety and depression. Research also shows higher rates of eating disorders, particularly bulimia and binge eating, among girls and women with ADHD. These patterns are often driven by impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, and the pressure of perfectionism.

Self-harm is another hidden risk. Studies suggest that girls with ADHD are several times more likely to engage in self-injury compared to their peers without ADHD. This isn’t about seeking attention. It is about trying to cope with overwhelming emotions, rejection sensitivity (RSD), and the exhaustion of constantly trying to keep up in a world that feels harder than it should.

Why Diagnosis Matters

The difference a diagnosis makes cannot be overstated. For many women, it is the first time their struggles make sense. Suddenly, they realise they are not lazy, flaky, or broken, their brain simply works differently. With that understanding comes relief, but also direction.

Support can take many forms: therapy or coaching to build skills, medication if appropriate, and lifestyle changes like sleep, nutrition, and exercise. Most importantly, diagnosis offers hope. It shifts the story from “I’m failing” to “I can succeed, with the right strategies.”

For girls, early recognition is even more powerful. It can prevent years of hidden struggle, lower the risk of anxiety, eating disorders, and self-harm, and give them the self-understanding they need to thrive. For women, diagnosis often brings deep healing, offering a chance to rewrite the narrative they’ve lived with for decades.

If you are interested in the diagnosis process, read my blog The ADHD Assessment Process: What to Expect for You or Your Child or Accepting an ADHD Diagnosis as an Adult: Grief, Growth and New Beginnings.

What You Can Do as a Parent

If you’re raising a daughter and wondering whether ADHD might be part of her story, the most important step is to look beyond stereotypes. ADHD does not always look like hyperactivity. Sometimes it looks like forgetfulness, emotional intensity, or a girl who works twice as hard as everyone else to keep up.

Listen to her when she says school feels harder than it should. Notice patterns, not just isolated behaviours. And if you have concerns, seek an evaluation. Even if the result is not ADHD, understanding her unique profile can help you support her more effectively.

Final Thoughts

ADHD in girls and women is still under-recognised, but awareness is growing. The signs are there, just quieter, more internal, and easier to miss.

If you are raising a daughter who seems dreamy, too sensitive, or exhausted from trying so hard, don’t dismiss it as personality. It may be ADHD. And if you are a woman reading this and seeing yourself reflected for the first time, know that it is never too late to understand your brain and get the support you deserve.

At Sinaps, we help families and individuals explore ADHD with compassion and clarity whether it’s recognising the signs in your daughter or unpacking a lifetime of struggle in yourself.

Do you want to understand if ADHD could be part of your story?