What If It’s Not Just the Kids? When You or Your Partner Might Have Undiagnosed ADHD
What If It’s Not Just the Kids? When You or Your Partner Might Have Undiagnosed ADHD
You’ve read every book on ADHD. You’ve talked to teachers, filled out the forms, and maybe even started treatment or coaching for your child. You’re doing everything you can to support them, and hold everything else together.
But what if the chaos isn’t just about your child?
What if you’ve started wondering whether you or your partner might also have undiagnosed ADHD?
You wouldn’t be the first to ask that question.
ADHD Runs in Families, Often Silently
One of the most overlooked aspects of ADHD is how deeply it runs in families. Research shows that if a child has ADHD, there’s an 80% chance that at least one parent has it too, often undiagnosed. For many couples I work with, it's not until they begin supporting their child that they suddenly start to recognise familiar patterns in their partner... or even themselves.
ADHD doesn’t magically appear in children, it’s genetic. If your child has it, there's a high chance at least one parent does too, often undiagnosed and misunderstood for decades.
Maybe you or your partner:
Get irritated easily and shut down when emotions run high
Struggle to stay engaged in conversations, especially about parenting or household responsibilities
Excel at work but feel completely overwhelmed at home
Frequently forget appointments, chores, or things that were just said
Spend hours hyperfocused on a hobby or task while the rest of life piles up around you
Sound familiar?
At first, it’s easy to think it’s about being selfish, or lazy, or just avoiding responsibility.
But what if it’s actually ADHD?
When ADHD Looks Like a Relationship or Parenting Problem
Untreated ADHD in one or both parents doesn’t just affect work or personal well-being, it shows up in how you parent, how you communicate, and how you cope as a team.
You may find yourself:
Constantly arguing over routines, discipline, or responsibilities
Feeling like the default parent or the only “functional” adult
Walking on eggshells around emotional outbursts
Longing for connection but feeling too exhausted to try
and sometimes, ADHD is only part of the picture.
Other challenges, like past trauma, emotional dysregulation, or even undiagnosed personality disorders (upto 80% of adults will have one other mental diagnosis) which can complicate things further. In some families, patterns of control, manipulation, or verbal aggression emerge, and it’s hard to know what’s ADHD… and what’s something more.
If you're starting to feel that what's happening at home is more than you can make sense of, or more than you can handle, please know that you're not being dramatic, and you're not alone.
Talking to someone can help you get clarity around what is really going on and the support you, and your partner, need to create a more harmonious, loving and healthy relationship.
You’ve been doing so much to support your child and family but many times the parents need to have support too.
I support families living with ADHD, whether it’s you who needs help to avoid burnout and make sense of the chaos, you and your partner who need support navigating your relationship, or you as parents trying to get on the same page and do what’s best for your child.
Whatever you’re facing, you don’t have to do it alone.
If any of this resonates, I invite you to book a free initial support call with me. Simply click the button below to book a time directly in my calendar.
I’ll offer you a gentle, no-pressure space to talk through what’s going on and explore what kind of support would truly make a difference for you and your family.
Sometimes, just having someone who understands can be the first step toward feeling hopeful again.