Your Child Isn’t Being Difficult: Understanding Holiday Dysregulation
Let’s be honest: the holidays are supposed to be “magical,” but for many families with ADHD, they feel like walking through a minefield.
One moment your child is excited and buzzing with joy, and the next they are melting down over something that feels insignificant.
You’re exhausted. You’re confused. And you’re quietly wondering why every other family seems to manage just fine.
Let me tell you the truth. Your child isn’t being difficult. They’re dysregulated.
And during the holidays, dysregulation becomes almost inevitable.
Why Holiday Behaviour Isn’t Personal, It’s Physiological
Children with ADHD don’t struggle because they want to.
They struggle because their brain and nervous system are working overtime, and the holidays layer on extra demands that overwhelm all 12 domains of the Sinaps Neurodivergent Dysregulation Model™
1. Emotional Dysregulation
Holiday excitement quickly becomes emotional intensity with joy, frustration, disappointment, all in big waves. With ADHD, emotional brakes are weaker, as Dr. Ned Hallowell says “Its like having a Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes”.
2. Cognitive Load
Travel plans, new routines, different expectations, “be polite to Grandma” create a mental marathon.
3. Arousal & Activity
More stimulation, more noise, more sugar, more people = an over-activated system. Add in less sleep, and it’s a perfect storm of hyperactivity.
4. Motivation Dysregulation
Holiday tasks (dinners, family visits, waiting, queuing) rarely align with ADHD interest-based wiring.
5. Impulse Control
Impulse control drains quickly when overwhelmed, hungry, tired, or overstimulated.
6. Behavioural Dysregulation
What looks like oppositional behaviour is often a child trying to protect themselves from sensory or emotional overload. Refusing to engage, get moving or stop doing something are telltale signs.
7. Social Dysregulation
Relatives, unfamiliar settings, unspoken rules… it is socially demanding and overwhelming for a child who struggles on a daily basis to read body language, subtle cues, and is hypersensitive.
8. Stress Dysregulation
Even “fun stress” is still stress. Excitement and anxiety activate the same system.
9. Sleep–Wake Cycle
Late nights, travel, time zones, and anticipation all impact sleep, one of the biggest destabilizers and drivers of increased ADHD symptoms.
10. Sensory & Motor Needs
More lights, sounds, textures, smells combined with less movement and fresh air creates internal dysregulation, increased need for movement and more likelyhood of doing things they shouldn’t be doing.
11. Time Perception
Holiday pacing (waiting, transitions, unpredictability) is harder for ADHD brains to process. Read my blog about the “now” and “not now” thinking of the ADHD brain.
12. Immune & Inflammation Dysregulation
Illness, fatigue, and winter bugs floating around lower resilience and increase irritability.
So no, your child isn’t “choosing” to be difficult. Their system is overwhelmed from every angle.
The Importance of Understanding Dysregulation
When parents understand dysregulation, everything shifts.
Instead of thinking:
“Why are you doing this right now?!”
You start to think:
“Oh… your system can’t hold any more. You need my support. What can we shift to make this easier?”
This reduces:
shame
conflict
power struggles
misinterpretation
parental guilt
And increases:
connection
influence
emotional safety
cooperation
calm
When you see dysregulation, your child feels seen.
And that changes the entire holiday experience.
Holiday Behaviour Is Communication
Every meltdown, shutdown, refusal, “NO!”, argument, or clingy moment is your child telling you:
“Something in my environment, or my body, is too much for me right now.”
Often it is because:
a transition that wasn’t supported
a sensory overload no one noticed
hunger
uncertainty
exhaustion
too much social energy
too many expectations
or simply a depleted nervous system
Not misbehaviour.
Not disrespect.
Not defiance.
Communication.
How You Can Support Your Child This Holiday Season
Here are three practical first steps:
1. Lower the baseline load
Reduce unnecessary demands. Keep routines lightweight and predictable.
2. Build in sensory regulation
Movement breaks, quiet spaces, downtime, weighted blankets, and noise-reduction tools, such as noise cancelling earplugs, matter more than you think.
3. Preload transitions
This is where meltdowns hide. Prepare your child before every shift, leaving, arriving, stopping, starting, “just 5 more minutes.”
Just these three changes reduce overwhelm in every domain of the dysregulation model.
If You Want More Support Before the Holidays…
If you’re already feeling the pressure of the holidays… you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Join me for How to Stop Holiday Meltdowns, a free, practical materclass where you’ll learn:
What’s actually behind your child’s dysregulation
How to spot problems before they blow up
The exact scripts to use when emotions run high
How to create an ADHD-friendly holiday plan that works for everyone
📅 December 16th at 13:30 CET: Free Holiday Masterclass
➡️ Live attendees qualify for a chance to win one of two holiday scholarships into the Sinaps Family Transformation Journey.
If you want this season to feel calmer, more connected, and far less like survival mode… reserve your spot now.